meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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