your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
