Fine. I'll sleep in my office
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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