Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize