also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
