I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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