ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
