Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize