then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
