Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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