3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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