What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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