Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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