i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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