Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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