i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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