Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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