wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
