Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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