ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize