We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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