do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
