i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
