I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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