Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
