so explain again why im purple
no
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize