I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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