Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize