I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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