My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
