what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
