i think my mom watched the whole time
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
