i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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