Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
