Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
