Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
