So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
