I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
