you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
