I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
