Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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