Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
