I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it hurts more in the daytime
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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