You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
