ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
