Having a random hookup so left but love u
I want to make a zoo with you.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
