Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
