So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
