The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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