After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
