Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
