I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This is my gift to your gina
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You are the jesus of drinking
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize