well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
