Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am puke
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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