I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
