I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
