You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
