I wish I could teleport
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my shit smells like andre
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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