Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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