he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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